“Be sure to taste your words before you spit them out.”

The first rule about mum-code is you don’t speak about the mum-code. Ok, I may be confusing the bro-code with fight club, but the idea is similar. These are a few things I have learnt along the way, either through conversation or observation.

Welcome to the ever-growing list of the mum-code.

1. If one is at the park, be sure to not make eye contact, let alone throw a pleasantry smile or nod at the new mother sitting by herself. In such situations, as her child slip from the swing and is caught upside down by one leg, be sure to glare unapprovingly.
2. If one has not attempted to control-cry child, one is an overbearing mother.
3. If child happens to have soiled during controlled-crying attempt, you are neglectful.
4. If one breastfeeds child, you are overbearing.
5. If one bottle-feeds child, you are a quitter.
6. If one co-sleeps, you are overbearing.
7. If one sleeps on one’s own, you’re neglectful.
8. If one complains about the unpleasant experiences of pregnancy, childbirth or childrearing, you are an ungrateful person who is purposely rubbing in one’s conception successes to others who are wishing for such things. You should not voice any discomfort or ill feelings.
9. If one asks another if they are going to have children, or if they are having any more children, you are inconsiderate and should not be prying into other’s reproductive ventures. You should keep such matters quiet and further the silent stigma of infertility and miscarriage.
10. If you use cloth nappies, you’re a dirty hippie.
11. If you use disposables, you are killing the planet.
12. If you make child’s food from scratch, you have too much time.
13. If you use jarred food, you’re neglectful.
14. If your house is messy, you’re neglectful.
15. If your house is clean, you’re neglectful.
16. If you return to work, you’re neglectful.
17. If you stay home, you have too much time. Go get a job.

I’m hoping for a new code. I’ve heard the whispers. I’ve seen the acts of kindness and words of encouragement. I know some of these women of greatness. Welcome to the new mum-code. I really hope this catches on.

1. Loved it best.

“The world is changed by your example, not your opinion”- Paulo Coelho