“Stop thinking about everything so much. You’re breaking your own heart.”

It is often implied to new parents that the trials and tribulations of raising your first-born are ‘self-induced’. It’s a rite of passage. I listened to these ramblings about projected anxieties and all that comes with being a first-time novice. “It’s meant to be hard. Welcome to parenthood.”

With this in mind, I would often feel perplexed observing other first-time ‘novice’ parents. While others lapped up the joys of new-life, we wrangled a fiery ball of complete unpredictability for at least the first 4 months. While others strived in their new roles, we felt like utter failures in our human abilities with our newborn. While others planned for consecutive children in close succession, we debated whether we could manage looking after an inquisitive toddler, while re-living the utter sleep and life-depriving months we endured. If we continued to listen to this ‘apparent’ consensus, we would have to agree that we’re clearly not skilled for this or have brains-enough to work this out. Why didn’t the ‘tricks’ work for us, as they did for others? Comparison… the thief of joy.

It wasn’t until my second-born arrived that I understood. Babies can be like Chalk and Cheese. I understand that we’re more experienced and more confident second-time around, as opposed to the initial shock in transitioning from our self-serving pre-child life. Of course, as parents we can project our own issues and anxieties on our offspring at any stage, at any age and on any birth order, however, I cannot accept that this is the only reason that we struggled so much first-time around.

Considering this, I’d like to introduce you to my Chalk and Cheese.

My Chalk arrived traumatically into the world with a screaming set of lungs. The screaming lasted for the next 4 months. He slept through the night for the first time at 10 months. Chalk refused a dummy, but found euphoric comfort in milk! His eyes would roll in the back of his head in complete bliss and he would often fall asleep after feeds throughout his babyhood. Chalk always had the hiccups in utero, which continued throughout his new-life as a daily occurrence. His skin was sensitive to certain chemicals, materials and foods, whilst sporting an epic metabolism. He was your stereotypical “colic” baby.

On the other hand, My Cheese slept and fed predictably from day one and began ‘sleeping-through’ consistently from week 8. As some people would try to imply, we literally didn’t do anything differently. The same “5-S’s” method, which would often take hours of persistence and ‘tag-outs’ in the early days, just seemed to instantaneously work this time! All the ‘tricks’ functioned as promised (unlike our attempts with Chalk). Cheese loves his dummy and never had the hiccups. He always seemed to become energised after feeds and happily spewed to the excess! His skin doesn’t react to anything (not even hotel soap!). He doesn’t eat anywhere near as much as what Chalk did (however eats everything he can find off the floor), but is off the charts in size. He is your stereotypical happy-go-lucky textbook baby.

Chalk and Cheese!

With both experiences now under our belt, we are so grateful that our Chalk came first. I could only imagine the complete exhausting shock and horror at having a calm, predictable Cheese baby lulling us unsuspecting parents into a false sense of security… then BAM! Being overcome with surprise in navigating the Chalk, while working out all the ups and downs of Toddlerhood on top of it all.

So mum (and dad), if you feel like it is really hard, it probably is! You can’t compare your Chalk baby experience to another’s Cheese. Some babies cry… an awful lot. Some have allergies and intolerance. Some are sickly. Some are cuddly. Some are reserved. Some require extra assistance. Some require more helping hands. Some babies are Chalk. Some babies are Cheese. Some babies are a variety in-between. It’s called temperament. It’s called life. It’s called newborn baby.  But remember, before you know it, you’ll be looking back on the newborn season through distant lenses. It is but a blink in the scope of life. Regardless of what your experience has been, these seasons of baby and motherhood are only a tiny part of the magnificently messy, intriguing and expanding adventures they lay ahead. The colourful lines, curves, shades and twirls of Chalk, amongst the range, fragrance and textures of Cheese; this can only add more vivid contrasts to our tapestry… and create an avenue to share more kindness and compassion to our fellow mothers.

My fiery Chalk has grown into a grounded love that radiates justice and is a considered presence of thoughtfulness. My Cheese remains my heightened calm who exudes empathy and mischief, with rhythm beating through his veins.

My perfect blend of Chalk & Cheese.

“You don’t drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there”

My Chalk & Cheese