“Time is such a strange concept. How it stops and starts and strangles and expands. How it needs. How it demands.” -Victoria Erickson

The blush burgundy. The rusted rufescent leaf edges. Her name meant red. They are my seasonal reminder. It’s the month of red. May. Our miserable month of anniversaries. We say nothing again, but he brings me flowers. Two red roses among the white. It’s a gesture that he hasn’t forgotten. It’s been 2 whole years.

Before we know it, the years have passed. We could have just floated and let the currents drift us away with no return. But instead, we swim. We’ve been treading and paddling wearily for so long that I hadn’t even noticed that the sand was right here under our feet.

Find your rest in Me.

Little One and I make the most of a late autumn and soak up the warm sunshine, walking the pavement lined with crowded leaved trees. The trees look nothing like they did 2 years ago. Their once gaunt branches of May 2012 now still boast in the glory of summer. Only flickers of autumn appear.

As I walk on the worn cemented path, my nerves begin to settle. It really is just another day. Today there is no ‘sliding door’ montage. No lamenting or mourning. I look up and take a picture of this moment. I want to remember. As I gaze to the brilliant blue sky through the green and red leaves I can’t help but say ‘thank you’. Never would I have dreamt that those words could fall from my lips with such truth, but I meant it. I mean it. For the first time in a long time I felt an overwhelming sense of sincere gratitude. For the good days and the bad days. The good seasons and the terrible ones.

He doesn’t change. We do… We break. We rebuild. And we hold on through the next wave…

“Grief is like the ocean, it comes in waves, ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.”- Vicki Harrison