“Take a lover who looks at you like maybe you are magic.” -Frida Kahlo
It’s our anniversary. We don’t even dare speak of the events of last year. Hubby just gives me that look… the look of “I know what this date marks”. My eyes respond saying, “I know, please don’t say it”. It’s our 3rd anniversary, not only of taking a vow, but the first anniversary of everything that encumbers the name Sienna.
We book a weekend in the city at a fancy hotel and restaurant. We don’t mention it once. We don’t need to nor want to. I think to myself why I didn’t take photos? The ones by the hospital were terrible. They don’t look anything like her. I only have my memory to go off and one day I’ll forget what she looked like. Maybe I wanted to forget? The things I’d do differently a whole year out of the moment. It’s not exactly the thoughts that romance is made of…
We’re not the same people. We both lost a part of ourselves a year ago that we are still looking to find. He looks at me differently. I don’t know if it’s due to my unflattering compression stockings I now wear to help my throbbing, aching veins or because he can’t find the person he fell in love with.
There’s no magic left but he hugs me each day hoping his arms might just push all my broken pieces back together. I’m still here somewhere.
They say time heals all wounds…. but my heart still hurts. My God, every single day it hurts.
It’s 1 year down. I’m convinced it has to get better.
“Broken crayons still colour.”
Happy anniversary, my love.
The Mummy Wagon 