“You told me I look sad today. I am sad most days. Today I haven’t the energy to hide it.”

It’s been 5-ish weeks since we arrived back from Samoa. I’m not even due yet and I already ‘know.’ I have this oh so familiar feeling. I tell myself to stop being ridiculous, it’s too soon to know, but my curiosity gets the better of me. I use one of the tests that was left over from earlier in the year. Two pink lines; ‘pregnant.’

So when’s the celebratory confetti supposed to fall? I guess this time I have the luxury of finding out in the comfort of my own home, a tad more ‘traditional‘ than last time.  I immediately experience an overwhelming sense that I can only explain as a big fist pumping “YES!”

Obstacle one = complete. 

I’m overcome with relief. Relief that falling pregnant hasn’t posed an issue, as it unfortunately does for so many, and for that I’m so extremely grateful... but with this said, I’m terrified… terrified as to what happens next? There’s no going back now.

Oh Lord! What have I done? Can I really do this again…?!

I had warned hubby of this moment. If, or when, we fall pregnant again, there is to be no fuss… no talk of it… and definitely no confetti. Life continues as if nothing has changed, until I say. I know that sounds cruel, but I still consider myself ‘damaged goods.’ Still, in saying that, I leave hubby a little congratulatory gesture for when he arrives home from work. I can’t drink now, but he sure might need one, or a few, for both of us.

Sharing the news with hubby

It turns out, he was evidently elated with the news, but is ‘party-pooped‘ with my stern reminder to not make a fuss. This doesn’t stop him from grinning foolishly when he thinks I’m not looking. Oh, why did I even bother… Hold on tight, this is actually happening.

“When your past calls, don’t answer it. It has nothing new to say”.