It’s time for the first antenatal appointment at the hospital. You know…the one where you have to go in by yourself and they interrogate you for a few hours about your lifestyle and living conditions. I remember feeling really nervous as the midwife and student-nurse quizzed me about my relationships and whether or not I’m a drug addict or a victim of abuse. It was reminiscent of the feeling you get while walking through customs at the airport… trying to not look guilty, even though you’ve done nothing wrong. Am I convincing them? No really… I’ve never done drugs and my husband’s fantastic… I have support… No, I don’t want to hurt myself... Just believe me, ok!  It’s so very sad that these questions are actually required… are standard… are reflective of real issues in real lives… and how easy it must be to lie about it.

My midwife was quite forward… a bit abrupt and confronting. I think she could sense my apprehension and complete lack of baby knowledge. Maybe she was just feeling high and mighty having a student watching her work her magic. Maybe it was just one of those days… either way, no hard feelings, Miss Nurse Lady… Before leaving I asked when I would be having my next scan. You know, that one everyone gets to share on Facebook for the big reveal. She scoffed at me. She responded with a sarcastic snarl; “scans are not so you can have a pretty picture of your baby”. I felt so stupid for asking and thought maybe she was a clairvoyant and could sense my ‘facebooking’ intentions. I murmur back “I just want to make sure it’s still there”. She didn’t even entertain the idea and mentioned something about wasting money and blah, blah, blah… With my history and age it seems to be an absurd inconvenience on the radiologist’s time and resources. Sorry for asking…I’m just a woman with a small brain…

I enquire with my beloved family doctor about this infamous scan everyone seems to have. He backed up the idea that it’s actually only for people considered ‘high-risk’ and is completely unnecessary for me. Ok… you’re the professionals. With my growing tummy and enduring sickness, we’ve given the all clear and go public with the news. Yes, we’re having a baby!

Beginning of the 2nd Trimester